Update March 16 from Taline:

Sorry we have not been able to accept visitors. We had a much needed and really blessed time with Sergio for the last week. The girls soaked it all in, and I got my day times with my love. Nairi even skipped school a few times to hang out in bed with her daddy. We need the alone time. Thanks for your understanding.
 Again God's timing is good. Sergio started to not be able to swallow Saturday night. And he had a seizure tonight. Keep us in your prayers! We love you all and feel so blessed for all the people who love us, are there for us, check up on us, call me to check on me, and want to visit. However, we are not accepting visitors at this time. It is very overwhelming and exhausting and what energy we have left goes to and needs to go to Sergio.

 Luv, Taline

No Vacancies Available In Brain

Posted 03/14/2017 by Taline Perez

3/10/17 I couldn’t think of a good way to write all the thoughts going on in my head right now, primarily the ones causing me stress, some I’ve already made decisions about and others I’m still chewing on. Almost all of this is new to me. I would have never thought I would be in this predicament. But I have to say, I feel fortunate that I can continue to care for the girls. But all I can do is the best I can do, things Sergio wanted (fortunately because we talked so much about everything), and what I see is best for my family, primarily for the girls. There comes a time I have found where I have to stop thinking about everyone else except Sergio, Adriné, Nairi, and myself. As you can imagine, I am on complete opposite ends daily in my thoughts and all over the board as far as my emotions go. I don’t have the person I have had for close to 12 years to talk things through with, get a different perspective from, come to a compromise about, or even take turns being overridden because we couldn’t agree. So I’ll propose my thoughts in questions and you can see what’s going on in my head. Is Sergio in pain? Does he know how much we love him? What is he feeling? What is he thinking? How often should I check at night? How do I go to sleep? Do we skip school to spend time with Sergio? How much do we skip? At what point is it too much and harmful or not enough? Is Nairi going to be behind? Can I catch up on stuff in the summer? What do I have to get done now before Home Health ends and I have no where to leave my kids? How much planning is too much? How much should I drag my kids around? Should I be taking them to plan funeral details? What am I going to do? Who will help me? When will I coordinate all of this? When will I coordinate who will help me watch the girls? Who will watch the girls? What if Nairi doesn’t want to go? How will I be paying for medical insurance? What if I can’t find a job? What if I find a job I don’t like?
How will I fill Sergio’s shoes with the list of things the girls would like me to do that their Baba did? Why would God allow this? Who should I let into our lives? How will I know who is good and who is not? Who is good for our lives? Could my dad and Sergio die at the same time? What will I do then? How will my kids handle that? What will become of my sisters? How is God going to take care of that? Should I be doing more? How can I be doing more? Why do relatives who’ve intentionally ignored me for years suddenly want to talk to me now? Why do people think this is a good time to change things? How uncomfortable am I willing to feel? Do I need to have visitors? Why? How do I choose who visits with the volume of it? What’s better for Sergio, a close friend or a distant family member? What’s better for the girls? For me? Why do people want to visit now? Who are the visits for? Do I exhaust myself? To what limit? How much grace is good and how much is unhealthy? How can so many people be so helpful? How can I be in so much pain and feel loved at the same time? What can I not do today? When do I shower? How can I slow things down? Who is reading my blogs? Why does Sergio have to die? Will God continue to provide for the girls’ emotional needs? Is there any chance things could change? What do I have to lose by any of these decisions? Does is it even matter? Then I remember a conversation I had with Sergio before his strokes. A conversation he started and told me, “Nothing’s going to change because I die. You do what you think is right. Speak the truth. You have nothing to lose.” I am blessed because I am loved by a really good guy, a nice guy, an uncomplicated guy, wise, adorable, happy, loving, and sweet. A guy who loves God, respects me, and all women for that matter, and has been a hard worker since the day I met him providing for his family. What else is there?

Contact Taline If You Want to Visit

Posted 03/07/2017 by Taline Perez

Dear Friends and Family, Sergio has been on hospice for two weeks. He is awake only about an hour a day now and that time is precious to Adriné, Nairi and myself. We would like to spend it with him. We are accepting visitors on a limited basis and ONLY with prior arrangements from me, Taline. Please do not drop by without arrangements or a response from Taline to your request. There is only so much we can do in a day.

Grieving

Posted 03/08/2017 by Taline Perez

February 26, 2017 God’s timing is impeccable! Our church, Granada Friends Church, had a seminar on grieving and I was went to the one hour session on “How Kids Grieve.” My kids are textbook. The speaker was from New Hope Grief Support Community in Long Beach. All of the information is from her talk. The founder is the author of the book, A Journey Through Grief with Mrs. Beenes. I thought I’d share of the information that got my attention. This is a completely new terrain for me, grieving children. For Adriné, who is 10, the grief reactions entail phobias (lots and lots of them like starvation, loss of our home, changing schools, abandonment by friends or family, financial poverty, death of herself, me or Nairi, getting cancer, being fatherless...), intense shock and sadness, headaches, stomach aches (grinding and nausea for Adriné too), trying to be strong to “protect” parents,and trying to take adult roles to help grieving adults. A child like this would need encouragement to express her feelings and maybe even intentionally created opportunities to do that. And here’s the God part. Even in this, because of this, since September she has been talking about how there should be groups for kids to go talk together, not knowing there is a thing called support groups. I have looked for a group for kids and they are hard to find and not many around. She has been mentioning students in the past few years of her life who’s lives did change and were grieving because of a parent who died, divorce, or an absent parent. Students she recalls who cried at school for no reason or often. Her mind recorded these events but just now she is understanding and relating to these children because of her own grief. Nairi, age 6, has less of the bulleted characteristics, but there are five more descriptions on the list. Several people, including professionals, told me in the beginning that she seemed fine and was “doing great”. Perhaps we are grieving “well” which I think is possible. Many adults have said she doesn’t understand. We all know the absence of a good father will not be looking “great”, but also doesn’t have to mean havoc and mayhem. Even before his surgery, Sergio had me put them in counseling. We didn’t have this list but we knew better, well he knew right away because he knows that children experience all the same emotions adults do and maybe even more confusion. I can attest through years of stories based on conversations he’s had with kids, regardless of their age, they grieve and have pain. Her age range perceives death as temporary and reversible (which Nairi did and explained rather well actually saying that if the spirit can leave the body then it can come back to it), they need clear explanations of death, illness, etc., express themselves through art and playing, may experience eating and sleeping issues, headaches, stomach aches, regression, “protesting” by acting out, need routine, express emotions in bouts, openly talk to strangers about illness and death, fear or separation anxiety post death, may initially seem unaffected by news of death, and talking about dyeing in order to visit the deceased one. The most beneficial skill for me to develop has been to explain what is happening to the body factually without combining it with Sergio. For example, “ There is cancer in the brain.”, not “Daddy dyeing from cancer.” “The tumor grew and is blocking the flow of brain fluid.” not “ Sergio is not going to make it.” This is strictly my observation. The most controversial issue out there seems to be honesty. Do you tell kids the truth and how much of it? It's pretty simple to me. The people I don't trust are those who do not tell the truth. I want my kids to trust me, so I am honest with them. Pretty simple. We’ve all been sleeping in the same room, which I knew in my gut was okay so by the time the child specialist at City of Hope suggested it, we were already doing that. As my kids have always pointed out, “You and and Baba like to sleep in the same bed snuggled. Why wouldn’t we?” Nairi does express herself in bouts crying and saying how sad she is and then asking in the next sentence if she can have ice cream. Normal. Nairi’s fears have been more geared towards the future. Who is going to do all the things she loved doing with her Baba? Fortunately, God is a father to the fatherless and He will provide. I’ve lost count of how many grandparents we have now, several aunts, and a man of honor who has said he will be there for the girls, and my kids have become friends with all of Sergio’s friends. That is amazing to me. People who knew him will be breathing life into my kids. We are doing the best we can as Sergio’s disease progresses and the physical changes are very apparent, primarily the amount of sleeping and how tired he is. It’s a very hard time for me trying to deal with how Sergio will not be here, protecting our time with him and our lives (being a time keeper), balancing visitors (very difficult at this stage, since we want to spend what time we have with him only, and really need to rely on people who are there for us since energy is so limited). Just for those who may have never thought about it, hosting is exhausting. Talking to people is exhausting. Answering questions is exhausting physically, mentally and emotionally. Death (the end of live), funerals, memorials are a funny thing. They are primarily for the the dyeing, us, a friend of mine pointed out this week. The ones that die are living eternally. They are not interested in these things. We need these things to mourn, feel good about ourselves, or even guiltless some times. The dichotomy of having no privacy and feeling grateful for the help still continues, trying to be there for my dad which feels like a another weight on back since it is just humanly impossible to be in two places at the same time, and dealing with disappointment of all kinds is just a “little bit” of what is going on. May God give me the wisdom and strength to weather the storm and do well with what I have been dealt. Thank you so much to Emily and Kristin for setting up meals for my dad. He cried when the first meal was taken. It’s amazing how far hands can reach. He is not doing well, but he is extremely spunky and stubborn, and is not ready to come to terms with what is going on. There is a lot that needs to be taken care of but it may be that I just release all of that to God and see what He does! I’ve almost come to terms with that. I am in no way feeling “lifted out” because I am being carried right now, but I believe that I belong to a God who is capable of and will “...lift me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He (will) set my feet on solid ground and (steady) me as (walk) along.” Psalm 40:2

Even In Darkness God Is There

Posted 03/01/2017 by Taline Perez

February 28, 2017 I decided I was not doing much today except the mandatory drop off and pick up of my kids, pharmacy run, and the visits from the nurses, social worker, and bath aide. Of course Trader Joe’s came up, crying sessions with the girls, phone calls to see how my dad is doing, more phone calls from the nurse visits, and no nap. That’s besides the two drop by visits, homework, and constant interaction with a caretaker in my home I can’t do life without, right now. Did I say I was not doing much? What I meant was I was not going to answer calls all day long, run around planning and making arrangements, or try to figure out how to get my dad to do what he needs to do. I watched a movie with Sergio today even though he fell asleep after his medications, even though I sit there checking his face throughout the entire thing to see if I see signs of pain. It’s the best we can do. It’s beautiful. So simple and irreplaceable to sit close next to someone you love and who loves you and let time pass over you. I'm not limiting that experience to only a husband. It's one my favorite things to do and I learned how to do it well from Sergio. To be still and indulge in someone's presence.

I wish he could talk. I wish so badly he could talk, but he can’t. And none of my desires or petitions to God have a changed that. Although, even though his voice is down to a whisper now, he daily tells us girls, “I love you.” Some times the words don’t sound right but he mouths it correctly. He’s been kissing the girls hands over and over and pulling them up into his bed when he has the energy. He kisses me over and over with his eyes shut with an expression like he is in heaven. He holds my hand and doesn’t let go. All of this to say he loves us and he does not want to go, but there’s nothing we can do about it. It just sucks. The simple cherished moments are many and become more and more significant as he is awake less and less. I know it’s part of the process, but it is still hard to watch. The girls are crying more and more and aren’t sure why until we discuss all the changes and the feeling that the possibility of life ending in the body is not so far away. Even in that God is present. It is not so hard to be willing (not wanting), just willing to let go of the person you love when you see the body getting weaker and pain setting in non stop. I asked Sergio if he feels like he is getting weaker and he nodded yes. I asked him if he feels like he is getting weaker, his spirit, who he is. He said, “No.”  “ O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night- but even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day darkness and light are the same to you.” Psalm 139:1-12

So Grateful!

Posted 02/27/2017 by Taline Perez

 I am a visual learner. I could not imagine in my mind’s eye what Friday night’s fundraiser was going to look like, even though Barbara described it to me several times. We were very sad that Sergio would not be able to go, and although I never said it out loud, I was thinking that maybe we shouldn’t go either. He’d been left behind and I thought it would be an opportunity to feel alone, without my spouse, and why do that to myself now when I will be forced to feel that later? Yes, we humans do a lot to avoid unpleasant feelings. Not to mention my exhaustion since he is on pain meds now so that means long nights as well.

But Barbara called one last time and reminded me that there would be face painting there. The night before, Nairi had shared with me that she is sad because we don’t do anything fun anymore, well we haven’t in a while. So, I gathered the girls with mixed feelings and told them we have to go to the fundraiser for an hour and then come back. 

Friday night was phenomenal for us and much longer than one hour!

God had other plans. I had just spoken to an old friend and colleague of Sergio’s after school who told me when her father died, she felt so loved and supported. For some reason that conversation freed me to just let everyone love us without guilt. That is what we felt and feel, loved and supported, and it is a blessing!

Like a modern day version of an episode from Little House on The Prairie, when the community rallies together to support a person in need or struggling. It sounds so corny, but it is happening to us! 

I have always known that Sergio was a great teacher, but of a different sort. It had nothing to do with paperwork, curriculum, or testing. His gift is relationships. He’s always had the philosophy that when a kid is loved, the other stuff falls in place. I knew he was good because the first year we got married students would knock on our door just to come by and say hi to him (shocking to me as a high school teacher because we hid our address, which car we drove, etc.), because he constantly got invited to birthday parties by students, to soccer, baseball, basketball, you name it, games, to weddings in Romania and Alabama (and on and on) from past students, because he had almost two hundred mugs in his kitchen cabinets

from students who wanted to give him something for Christmas and he told them he loved mugs so they could all afford something and be able to give him a gift, because he made sure he got to know the siblings, parents and grandparents, and some of those people became his dear friends and ultimately his goal was for kids to know that he loved them. He really did. So relational, truly enjoyed people’s company, and believed that his purpose was to influence and impact others’ lives in a positive way for whatever they needed, for some to let them know that life could be hard, but good, and that there are nice people out there. He expressed these things verbally and very intentionally lived it out. I had asked him why he thought he was who he was and he always said, “God.”

What a blessing it was to see so many of his past students telling us story after story of what he meant in their lives and what he had done for them. I truly appreciate you being willing to share your lives and knowledge about Sergio, my love with me. 

Just like he would tell the girls, “Be on the look out for good people. You can make great friends anywhere.” and there you all were on Friday night. There were tears, lots and lots on my side, and stories of going to Camp Hammer in Santa Cruz, trips to raging water, and ice cream, having a student’s favorite candy in a jar on his desk, making students feel no different than others even if there were differences, being sensitive to health problems, home problems, and personal problems. It was a good night. 

Sergio had wanted a massive birthday party in September for his 50th. His list had hundreds of people on in because he is inclusive. "Why leave someone out if you don’t have to?" was his feeling. "And why limit yourself when there are so many good people out there who enrich our lives and want to be in relationship?" He was in the hospital on his birthday. He got Happy Birthday sung to him three times that day by us, the case manager and the nurses. I have been sad about that and trying to figure out how and when to do that, but Friday might have been better. 

I was speaking to a friend tonight who is still paying off home health care costs and other medical costs seven years after the passing of her mother. I am truly, truly grateful for everything you are doing for the well being of our lives. I love our community in Whittier and beyond! Or more accurately the people who make up these communities, from our neighbors, schools, churches, and friends spread all across its almost 15 square miles, across the states and around the world. I play all of your videos to Sergio and he smiles. 

If you would like to leave a comment but are not a google+ member, you can go to her YOUCARING link and post a comment.   https://www.youcaring.com/sergio-perez-669404  OR email her at talinekorzter@gmail.com
Thanks  

MRI Results

Posted 02/24/2017 by Taline Perez
Nairi woke up Wednesday morning not wanting to go to school which is a rare rare occurrence for such an extrovert.  She followed me into the bathroom which is what she does when she wants to talk privately and said, 
“Do you think God forgot who He is? “  
“No, I don’t think so.” “What do you mean?” “ "Well,  I mean do you think He forgot the magic He can do?  I mean I know it’s not magic.  The powers He has."
"Do you think He forgot the powers he has?” 
“No, I don’t think He forgot. Why?” 
“Because He’s not healing Baba and I’m very sad about it. And mad at God.  I love Him but I’m mad too.” 
“So am I.  But He can handle it. And you can be mad at Him and love Him at the same time.” 
     Nairi is where Adriné was in August/September.  I spoke to them about the MRI results on Saturday after receiving a call from the oncologist on Friday.  I knew I was hearing half of it incorrectly as I heard the pounding of my heart getting louder and drowning out his words.  I went to an appointment with a friend on Tuesday without Sergio because we can’t transfer him and the two to three hour activity of using transportation is not feasible.  Another thing I have trouble understanding.  Transportation for the handicap,  possibly the most physically weakest population,  that takes two to three hours of waiting and driving around.  Shouldn’t they be waiting the least? It makes no sense to me.
     They were able to read 10 minutes of the MRI. The oncologist said the tumor is larger than it was before the 35 times/ 7 week radiation and chemo began. It is also blocking where the fluid flows in and out of the skull, so as a result Sergio has hydrocephalus. This causes pain as well as an array of other symptoms. “The worst of the worst.” he said.
     As options are presented to us, the girls and I have already decided that we want to be together as a family with each other in any circumstance.  My mother and grandfather both past away at home. I honestly did not know there was any other way. It can be a much needed help depending on the situation, other options.  Perhaps in our country where we don’t really see people dying of starvation,  lack of vaccines, or lack of medical technology like other places do,  we easily forget that dying is a part of life and it is a normal thing. If I recall correctly,  hearing is one of the last senses to go.  Sort of an incredible phenomena to be in two worlds at the same time and hear what people are saying to you. 
     The fight is not over, but there comes a time where being in God’s presence is a far better way to live than suffer in your temporal shell.
     Amidst all of this emotional exhaustion,  the Whittier Daily News contacted us to do a piece for the upcoming fundraiser.  Sergio gave it his all and then slept all day! Then ABC news contacted us because they had seen the article and thought it would be great story to expand.  Never even went through my mind. God is creative!
     Although I struggle to understand how and why we have been chosen to be covered for every single detail of our needs,  God is meeting and covering every single detail and cost.  Maybe He knows how large the hole will be that will never be filled.  

Mina's note: Please leave a comment for the Perez family after reading.