Great Men

Posted 02/06/2017 by Taline Perez
January 3, 2017

     There is a beautiful phenomenon you observe when you work with children.  Children love their parents no matter what. 

 Sergio use to often tell us about students he adored or felt a close connection to. There were many. We have prayed for many kids and their families and at least twice yearly discussed the one or two kids he wished he could adopt.  He’d said it so often that Adriné and Nairi had actually started encouraging him to think about adopting seriously. " I think we're going to have to adopt Baba.  You always talk about it. Let's just do it!" 
      He would tell us how kids would describe their fathers to him,  almost as grand as a hero in an epic. A little later into the conversation he’d come to find that the father was in jail,  or only saw the child once or twice a year,  or had returned the child to the mother, or cared for the child but treated the mother badly, or a variety of events.  But still to that child, his or her father was huge and grand and they were connected to them by a power beyond their control.  It is built in. 

We need our fathers.  We love our fathers. It is irrelevant how great or how poorly they raised us.  I would like to think many of us have had great fathers but am also aware that there are fathers who haven’t figured it out yet, and even fathers who are not worthy of their children.
     Sergio is a great father.  I have felt blessed and happily surprised that I chose so well.  I’m not quite sure how I did that,  except that God closed every door that was not the best for me.  Nairi has been waiting for years,  her “whole life” as she puts it,  to go to the Father Daughter dance at school with Sergio.  She got her dress in the summer and even though she loves to wear dresses, she refused to wear that one dress because it was special and she was saving it for the dance.   Adriné is my tennis shoes and dress girl who loves alone time with her daddy, which is why she’ll go to the dance. She likes it more than she’ll admit, but that will come with time.
     Sergio made it to the dance!!!!! He lasted about an hour which equals a lifetime for Adriné and Nairi.  After much convincing, begging by the girls,  crying all around, a call to his buddy Ivan for back up,  and some strong words from me that this could be the last opportunity he gets to take them to this dance,  he put aside his feelings about how he feels right now and went to the dance.  He was concerned about what he would and wouldn’t be able to do there, how people would react to how he’s changed, what people would think of him as he struggles to eat like before (he didn’t eat by the way),  and maybe even feel different and left out if he’s the only person there in a wheelchair. 
     Although I have a special education credential,  I have a new perspective of what handicap people face daily.  Nothing intentional,  directly mean,  or against you,  but most of the world is not set up to include handicap people at the same level as everyone else and people just don’t think about it or teach their children intentionally how to treat and deal with people with special needs.These are things that would be obvious to a handicap person if he was designing it. There’s a sense of “that should be good enough”,  and it really shouldn’t be that way. Doors that don’t stay open or too heavy to open,  seating that sets you apart from everyone else, parking spots with no room to get in or out of a wheelchair (even handicap parking),  steps, steps and more steps that make a two minute activity into a 20 minute adventure. But,  it is a minority group so it’s not a topic the masses think about or want to spend their time or money dealing with. But when it’s your husband,  the person you hold near and dear to your heart, it matters. 
     We all had a great time.  It was well worth everything. The image that has imprinted itself in my memory is looking out over the entire panoramic view of the cafeteria that was magically transformed into a tropical “Hawaiian” scene,  seeing almost all the fathers dancing with daughters whether they could dance or not to loud pumping music, including others’ daughters in their groups,  and seeing Sergio dancing in his wheelchair with Nairi and Adriné and his buddy next to him and with the girls.  It was such a powerful image for me. I felt like God was saying to me, “ I will provide.  I have created man.  I have created great men and I will provide what they need. Don’t worry.”
     Fathers mean the world to us.  The great ones,  the mediocre ones, and even the bad ones.  The adopted ones,  the friend ones,  the mentor ones, the ones who step in as needed. Grandparents, uncles, brothers, teachers, friends, neighbors, can all be men who have a heart to give up their evening to fill up little girls’ hearts. An hour event like that one holds so much permanence, I think most people miss the value of it.  Where should I start?  Having your dad be proud of you,  spend time with you, dress up for you,  dance with you,  demonstrate how you should be treated, show you how to be yourself, show you how to have fun, teach you how to dance, smile at you, enjoy your presence, and put aside whatever hang ups they have for YOU.  Ultimately, whether they know it or not,  men have been given the great privilege of communicating who God is to their children simply by loving them by being a father. This is what great men do.  This is what any man can do as a father, regardless if he is the biological father or not.
     I am so very grateful for all our friends and community who have continually stepped up to meet our needs for Sergio, me and the girls.  You have covered everything from the small and practical to the large and complex. Like Ivan changing his plans to be there for his friend’s daughters,  we have been blessed to be experiencing many of you pouring into us. An hour drive to take the girls to the park,  commitments to supervise so they can ride their bikes,  thinking of the girls when a new movie comes out,  talking to Sergio on the phone, making a Tylenol run to Target,  love notes (which are all hanging up in the girls’ room and Sergio’s box which he looks through regularly,  play dates, thoughtful gifts of activities to do at home since we are mostly homebound now, faxing, filling out forms, supermarket runs, donations, clothes, service, and love for their Baba. And I am certain I am missing a few. Maybe what Sergio told us over and over is true? Maybe we will be fine no matter what happens? Maybe. What ever happens,  my children are seeing the face of God and they will be alright.

“ For God created man in His own image. In the image of God he created him; male and female He created them.”    
Genesis 1:27 

“ A father of the fatherless, and a judge of the widows, Is God in his holy habitation.”
Psalm 68:5

“ A friend loves at all times...”
Proverbs 17:17