Distress, Death and Safety
Posted 04/19/2017 by Taline Perez
April 17, 2017
(Please note this was written Monday morning prior to my father’s passing.)
I am up at 4: 35 a.m. because Adriné has been up all night moaning and groaning about stomach pain. She is not sick. It is emotional and yet the night will not sleep in longer waiting for me. The reasons for her distress? She is trying to make sense of the rejection coming from Sergio’s side (we were excluded from Easter this year) and my father is dying. Both of these things change her routine, what is comfortable and familiar to her, what she interprets as stable and unchanging, and yet both are fleeting and conditional unfortunately. I wish family wasn’t so hurtful but they are. And I can’t change a thing. I can only protect my children from further distress and teach them what kind of behavior is not acceptable. I can not make any one want to resolve anything, Christians or not, even though it is very clear in Matthew how to resolve conflict. Everyone is free to make their own choices, even if they claim they are not making a choice. Not making a choice is a choice. Not speaking is a choice. I am just as free to choose, to choose who will surround us and enrich our lives. I choose to live my life by principles not personalities. I try to make choices based on what is wrong and right, not who it is. God is not confusing. He is not manipulative or changing. He does not lie. He is safe and trustworthy. That's my guideline. It’s a great life lesson to learn for Adriné and Nairi sounds just like Sergio as she tries to console her sister. It’s great to hear his words out of her mouth.
My father was diagnosed with lung cancer in January. He did not want to do anything aggressive about it in general, but felt pressure. He is a planner and for the most part had almost everything in place in the event of his death. He had been having back pain for months now, has been anemic for over a year, was having complications from diabetes (but most probably the cancer), coughing up blood for some time, and needed a blood transfusion at the end January. He went in last Wednesday knowing he probably needed another transfusion and had a heart attach in the emergency room. He was put on a ventilator because his Advanced Directive was not with him and I did not take him in. Right now his kidneys are failing, he has a septic infection and his heart is weak. My struggle has been feeling bad for not carrying out what he wanted. My sisters felt differently. However, Saturday, God even worked that out. My uncle, aunt, cousins, siblings, and the doctor were all the hospital at the same time and we were able to have a family meeting before the scheduled one for Monday that really went well. We reached a concensus which was difficult for me to wait for knowing what he wanted, not to have his life prolonged. But hearts and minds don’t move at the same pace often. It was just the right group that day with the right leadership and I am truly grateful for that. The room was filled with different opinions, perspectives and values with no tyranny or fear of punishment, retaliation, or being cut off. This is precious. This doesn’t always happen in families including my extended family, but today it did. And although it is rarely talked about in a forum like this, I’m pretty sure it is more common than not. I will take it as a gift from God. I don’t know if my father will make it through this week, but every person I have spoken to in my family who cares about our well being since Sergio’s death has pretty much said the same thing, “ You’re first responsibility is you and your children, don’t worry about other people right now. They can’t understand. No one knows what you know.” I love hearing that! Thank you! Thank you to my new friend who encouraged me to keep writing Sunday morning. I’ve been so tired in every way and was thinking of stopping. (The parts in parenthesis are me saying it. It's not written that way in the bible.) “If a fellow believer (or anyone for that matter) hurts you, go and tell him—work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you’ve made a friend. If he won’t listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again. If he still won’t listen, tell the church (mediator or counselor perhaps). If he won’t listen to the church, you’ll have to start over from scratch, confront him with the need for repentance (regret or remorse), and offer again God’s forgiving love. " Matthew 18:15-17, The Message "The God of my rock; in him will I trust: he is my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my high tower, and my refuge, my savior; thou savest me from violence." 2 Samuel 22:3 King James Version "But as for me, I will sing each morning about your power and mercy. For you have been my high tower of refuge, a place of safety in the day of my distress." Psalm 59:16 My dad, Ohannes Artine Abrahamian, passed away Monday 2:20 p.m. Funeral Services are Thursday April 26, 2017 at Mountain View Cemetery in Altadena at 10:30 a.m.
My father was diagnosed with lung cancer in January. He did not want to do anything aggressive about it in general, but felt pressure. He is a planner and for the most part had almost everything in place in the event of his death. He had been having back pain for months now, has been anemic for over a year, was having complications from diabetes (but most probably the cancer), coughing up blood for some time, and needed a blood transfusion at the end January. He went in last Wednesday knowing he probably needed another transfusion and had a heart attach in the emergency room. He was put on a ventilator because his Advanced Directive was not with him and I did not take him in. Right now his kidneys are failing, he has a septic infection and his heart is weak. My struggle has been feeling bad for not carrying out what he wanted. My sisters felt differently. However, Saturday, God even worked that out. My uncle, aunt, cousins, siblings, and the doctor were all the hospital at the same time and we were able to have a family meeting before the scheduled one for Monday that really went well. We reached a concensus which was difficult for me to wait for knowing what he wanted, not to have his life prolonged. But hearts and minds don’t move at the same pace often. It was just the right group that day with the right leadership and I am truly grateful for that. The room was filled with different opinions, perspectives and values with no tyranny or fear of punishment, retaliation, or being cut off. This is precious. This doesn’t always happen in families including my extended family, but today it did. And although it is rarely talked about in a forum like this, I’m pretty sure it is more common than not. I will take it as a gift from God. I don’t know if my father will make it through this week, but every person I have spoken to in my family who cares about our well being since Sergio’s death has pretty much said the same thing, “ You’re first responsibility is you and your children, don’t worry about other people right now. They can’t understand. No one knows what you know.” I love hearing that! Thank you! Thank you to my new friend who encouraged me to keep writing Sunday morning. I’ve been so tired in every way and was thinking of stopping. (The parts in parenthesis are me saying it. It's not written that way in the bible.) “If a fellow believer (or anyone for that matter) hurts you, go and tell him—work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you’ve made a friend. If he won’t listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again. If he still won’t listen, tell the church (mediator or counselor perhaps). If he won’t listen to the church, you’ll have to start over from scratch, confront him with the need for repentance (regret or remorse), and offer again God’s forgiving love. " Matthew 18:15-17, The Message "The God of my rock; in him will I trust: he is my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my high tower, and my refuge, my savior; thou savest me from violence." 2 Samuel 22:3 King James Version "But as for me, I will sing each morning about your power and mercy. For you have been my high tower of refuge, a place of safety in the day of my distress." Psalm 59:16 My dad, Ohannes Artine Abrahamian, passed away Monday 2:20 p.m. Funeral Services are Thursday April 26, 2017 at Mountain View Cemetery in Altadena at 10:30 a.m.
